


The Two Man Crew

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Comedy, M/M, one episode of space opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-06 13:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13412415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: Not all crews are meant to last forever.or:"Why don't you give it a shot?""A shot. Says the sniper to the pyrotechnician."





	The Two Man Crew

 

  
Not all crews are destined to stay together forever.

"Are you gonna finally hand me the scanner or what?"

Even with a great leader, even if you grew up together like some unwillingly blood-related people - also known as family, in some dialects - not everything was made to last forever.

"Well, if you want me to keep an eye on the guards and their positions so we won't be exposed and sold as some source of entertainment to a slimy alien, the fucking scanner will stay with me."

"Well, if _you_ want _me_ to position the explosive right and not accidentally blow our heads off, you should gimme the fucking thing-"

Jongin swatted the other's hands away, holding the little device out of range.

"You could have brought your own instead - it's not my fault you forgot-"

"Then how do you suppose we get this shit done?!" Luhan hissed, and Jongin made a face.

"Yell any louder and the decision will be taken from us any moment-"

They actually started squabbling for the device - not in a brutal or, god forbid, sexy way that involved rolling over each other. It was more like two little kids fighting over cheap plastic toys to shape virtual sand or dirt with.

In the end, the explosive did not burst open the door of a parked spaceship, but blew up a completely unrelated baggage transporter right next to it. Access to smuggling goods was off the table for good, but at least they could use the commotion to forage the harbour. Their loot consisted mostly of the staff's snacks and food they had cleared out from a small fridge, but hey - food was the next best thing after money (which you could use to _buy_ food) and it wasn't even a morally questionable act, considering that the company provided most of it. They could buy a few more sandwiches, Jongin reasoned. Or more of those ready-made noodle dishes and whatever those green bars were that Luhan was crazy for and Jongin quickly decided tasted like 'caramel algae'. Or 'shit'. He wasn't too sure about that and didn't have the death wish to fight Luhan for a second bite to confirm.

 

No, not all crews were founded to last. When Wu Yifan, otherwise known as Kris (which for some reason had seemed like a cool nickname to him), fearless leader of a small group of wickedly dangerous space pirates had announced retirement, most crew members had no problem with this decision at all. Chef and second-in command Zhang Yixing, also known as Lay (because he, too, believed in nicknames, but had even less of an idea of how they worked) had happily followed him to Astoria, where Yifan wanted to start a new, peaceful life as a botanist. It seemed natural since they had always shared a special bond - not to mention that Yixing was way better at anything plant-related than Yifan.  
Then there was Kyungsoo, the ever-grumpy mechanic, who immediately let go of the pen he was holding, ready to pack his things, announcing he had been wanting to do something with advanced robotics for awhile now. When the in no way bitter Luhan stated that he was probably just looking for a way to turn people into robots he could mute at will, Kyungsoo had flipped him off without even looking. That's how close they had been.

Chanyeol was already trying to cram Kyungsoo's stuff in his suitcase before Kyungsoo had announced his destination - because if there was something close to fate, Chanyeol sticking to the tiny mechanic's back was a good real life example for it.

The other members had also agreed to break up so very easily, simply starting to discuss further plans. There were two members who didn't take it that easily though.

"What do you mean? I thought we're a family, how can you just... quit like this?!" Luhan asked in exasperation, and Jongin nodded from the other end of the table.

"I don't wanna quit - this is my life, there is nothing else to do for me," he added.

Everyone at the table exchanged a look, and it got silent.

Jongin looked slightly helpless and hurt at a stubborn-looking Luhan.

 

* * *

 

The problem was that Jongin and Luhan made for a horrible two man crew. To be fair, a crew should only be called a crew with three or more members, else it would be a duo. And a duo can't really fulfill all the functions of a real gang of space pirates. It might work out somehow if you got the essential skills represented. A sniper and a pyrotechnician alone hardly made for an efficient team that had any other purpose than destruction.

In short, Luhan and Jongin were kinda screwed.

 

"It's still blinking though-" Jongin called from behind a few pipes he was currently dissecting while Luhan flailed around a tablet as if that would get the message across. As if Jongin was even looking at him.

"Well, it says that it should have stopped by now," he said unhelpfully, munching on a sandwich.

"Well, but it didn't," Jongin mimicked him sarcastically. "Why don't you give it a shot?"

"A shot. Says the sniper to the pyrotechnician," Luhan blandly said, evading the screwdriver that came flying at him in response.

"Okay, look, maybe that wiki how article is wrong because we got a whole different problem-"

"I can tell you what our problem is," Jongin hissed, sticking out his head to glare at Luhan, streaks of dirt reaching up to his hairline, "the problem is that we're relying on the _internet_ to fix our fucking spaceship! According to nine out of ten troubleshooting pages, this ship is crippled beyond repair and will pulverize us as soon as we start the engine!"

"Ah, blah blah, overcautious nonsense, we'll be fiiine," Luhan emphasized, offering Jongin his half of the sandwich. Jongin stared at it, torn between anger or complaining about Luhan's disgusting bacteria (which would be nothing but dramatic since Jongin was at least half human himself) all over it... and then took it with a sigh, sitting down with Luhan following suit. For awhile, he silently munched in the machinery room - an action Kyungsoo would have fried them both for - and Luhan scrolled through his tablet.

"We can't afford taking the ship to a repair shop," Jongin muttered gloomily. Luhan hummed and stared up at the opened pipe and bared electronics that were a mystery to both of them.

When they had separated ways, around a human year ago, the ship had been in top notch condition. It wasn't their main ship, since that would have been far too big for two persons only, but one of the small ones reserved for missions. Kyungsoo had checked the ship forwards and backwards, polished it to no end and swore he had made the machinery fool-proof for the two goddamn idiots, how he had _almost lovingly_ (according to Luhan) called them. Everyone had added to seeing them off, some a little more than others. Yixing had left them a printed copy of his recipe books, on top of a digital one. And a backup copy, in case they lost either. At this point it should be obvious just how much faith the crew had in Luhan and Jongin on their own, and their worry wasn't entirely unfunded, to be perfectly honest. Luhan and Jongin were quite good at what they did, and only at that. They had never needed to expand their horizons and to add to it all, they weren't even a particularly harmonious team. You know these colleagues you say _Good morning_ to, and who you occasionally meet at the cafeteria, exchanging a few stories and laughs, just to never really seek each other out again? It wasn't like they'd been strangers, but probably the closest you could get to being just that, considering that they had lived on a small spaceship together. Luhan hadn't even always been needed or sent out in person during missions - and if he had been, he was usually not too close to the sniper but stayed under Junmyeon's protective wing. Long story short, Luhan and Jongin _really_ weren't cut out for this. And yet they both sat there, with no other place to go.

With a quiet click, the tablet was locked and Luhan got to his feet.

"Alright then," he said, obviously giving himself a pep talk. "I found a basic overview and different instructions. Let's try this again. Sooner or later, at least one of us has to learn this shit."

Jongin watched him stick the tablet in between two pipes, and he also watched it slip before Luhan could roll up his sleeves. He caught it with the accuracy that he was blessed with most of the time and got up to stand next to his teammate.

"And that will be you? In your dreams," Jongin said stubbornly, and before Luhan could take him up on the bait, Jongin started reading out the manual, starting with the different colors of cables and what they resembled. Baby steps.

 

* * *

 

The most important thing for space pirates, after a functioning spaceship (and money for fuel to keep said spaceship running), was something largely underestimated by the public. Information. Pirates - or 'independent merchants', as Yifan had liked to name them - were usually not funded by the government and lacked their resources. Not to mention that seeking out people who were _not_ under the government's eye was sort of the whole point. This wasn't simply a Robin Hood way of life, it stemmed from practicality. The officials didn't really care about criminals fighting other criminals. They could maybe take out gangs in accusations of illegally purchased video games or weapons that had been tinkered with way beyond the realms of law (though let's be real, the first one would be more likely), but that would equal too much wasted time on small fishes.

Luhan and Jongin had never minded only scamming and robbing fellow criminals. It was good enough for their moral compass and also faced more of a challenge. Now that they were on their own, things were a little different though.  
Going back to the initial topic of information - questions like 'Where to find other crews?', 'Which ones are worth looking into?' or 'Which ones are serious trouble and should be avoided?' were essential. Sadly, neither Jongin nor Luhan had an overview on the scene. Especially Jongin found it hard enough to keep up a social connection to the people he was _living with_ , and an online network of friends was about as interesting to him as Luhan’s collection of human trash movies.

Luckily for them, Baekhyun was still around and willing to help them along, albeit per text and voice messages instead of in person. Who would have thought that they'd miss that one crew member who never did anything but scroll through social media accounts while the rest was risking their head in battle? Jongin liked not to dwell on the missing part, but the point was that knowing Baekhyun was like knowing a nosy grandmother in a rural village. He knew everything about everyone. Who was up to what, who belonged to which alliance, which ships were currently targeted by the government. And while Baekhyun was probably lazing around in some permanently rented love hotel room on a sleazy planet somewhere off the radar, instigating a new war simply by malicious social warfare made from a single tablet (or two, if he was on a roll)... he was still willing to send a few helpful tips their way.  


"Alright, first we just scope out the situation," Jongin said, and Luhan nodded. They still hadn't determined who was the boss of the two of them, but figured that they had bigger problems than basic, male instincts. For now.

"Yep," Luhan agreed, popping the p as he checked his belt and tools. "I got a scanner this time."

"Good," Jongin said with an eye roll, not giving Luhan time to retaliate, "Scanner, tablets, binoculars, shields, all functioning?"

Instinctively, Luhan, reached behind to check for his binoculars, coming up empty.

Jongin stared at him judgmentally and Luhan threw up his hands.

"What? At least I packed the food!"

 

Winoa was a hot planet that looked like nothing but rocks to an outsider, but even remotely informed people knew that there was a thriving civilization just beneath the surface. Jongin and Luhan weren't here to shop for questionable duplicates of the latest boy band merch though - sadly, the two self-acclaimed space pirates were stuck on the surface, cowering between rocks that were hot enough to melt a lot of substances into a puddle of goo. Luhan had spent a good half an hour listing all of said substances by measuring the temperature of the rocks and, after his expert knowledge failed him, looking up obscure materials online. When that got boring, he started pondering the possible uses of the environment for pyrotechnic. _Environment_ , Jongin repeated in his head. _Hot rocks_.

"They'd be good for a hot stone massage, max," he threw in, annoyed and uncomfortable under their makeshift, camouflaged foil tent that allowed them to look outside and kept just enough heat out to be bearable. He was still sweating like a pig and hated it.

"Pfft, yeah sure," Luhan retorted. "if you're some lizard living in a volcano, maybe. That shit would go from bdsm to straight up torture on my skin real quick."

Jongin shook his head. Humans. Admittedly, he was half human as well, but his Leyeian roots at least made him a little sturdier. And gave him the precision and heightened reactions that saved their necks more than once.

...he was _still_ sweating like a pig though, so Jongin was not all that confident in his superiority right now.

To be fair, they were keeping an eye on the values showing on their scanners and Jongin kept taking notes whenever something changed - or didn't, because _nothing to say was something to say_ , as Yixing would have said. But the lone spaceship standing seemingly in the middle of nowhere had been about as exciting as the rocks surrounding it. It was painted in a stereotypical shade of violet, a color that made both of them roll their eyes because could you be any cheaper? You could just as well plaster a big sticker saying 'Your mom on board' on the heck - that's how tacky it was. The ship wasn't abandoned, that much was obvious - it had taken a while for them to get to that precise information, and it certainly lacked the elegance that their former hacker Chanyeol would have shown but they made it happen. Somehow. Only one person was on the ship, keeping watch as the rest of the bandits roamed the underground city, probably searching for possibly buyers.

"Should we just go in and take whatever we get and then leave?" Luhan asked, after a period of silence, telling Jongin exactly what kind of nonsense had had time to grow in his fickle, human mind.

"We still haven't finished analyzing the ship - what if their car alarm blows our heads off?" Jongin asked, and Luhan groaned.

"If this takes any longer, we might as well expose ourselves now so the captain can give us some candy for watching over their ship like some-"

"Shh, look!" Jongin suddenly hissed, and Luhan snapped out of it immediately. Jongin pointed at a person openly walking up to the ship. This wasn't a member of the gang, not according to the pictures they had.

"Ah, he's wearing a uniform though," Luhan muttered, looking through the binoculars. Jongin, however, didn't take the bait.

"Faked. The uniform has no heat shield - that guy is sweating like shit."

"Maybe it broke?" Luhan guessed, and Jongin slapped him without taking his gaze off the faked official scanning the ship completely out in the open. Suddenly, Luhan put the tool down.

"That's it, I won't sit here and watch someone taking away our goods!"

Jongin was too shocked to kindly let Luhan know that as of now, said goods could not be counted as 'theirs'.

Luhan had already taken out a blaster, aimed, thought better of it and handed it to the waiting hand of Jongin. Luhan was a terrible shot and everyone knew.

"Seriously now, sit your ass down, we don't know what's gonna happen," Jongin hissed, but Luhan was already going through his things, possibly searching for something remote controlled and explosive.

"Oh, but we do," Luhan said in that tone toeing the fine line between calmness and hysteria, "I will blow this fucker up, consequently blow up parts of the ship, we'll jump in, take whatever and then get the hell out of here."

Jongin finally put the binoculars down to turn around in their tiny tent and try to physically stop him.

"That is- a terrible idea-" he huffed out, their sweaty fingers fighting over some small and possibly deadly devices Jongin couldn't identify. "What's _wrong_ with you?"

Usually, Jongin was the hot-headed one out of the two, but the heat was obviously getting to him.

"Let go-" Luhan began, and Jongin was about to hush him, but it was too late.

"Oh my, are you guys camping in there?"

They both snapped up to see a person standing on a nearby rock, looking right at them despite the camouflaged tent. He looked human enough, though his bright smile hid edges sharp enough to be reserved for predators. This guy was trouble and Jongin immediately knew it. He had his gun up and aiming in a split second, and the guy lifted both arms in defense.

"Invite only, eh?" he asked, smile a little tense but still in place. Jongin slowly stepped out of the tent, making sure to stay out of the ship's sight, just in case. He couldn't see Luhan, but still nodded towards the tent, eyes locked on the newcomer.

"Pack up, Lu," he said as calmly as possible. New guy with the sparkly eyes hummed in agreement.

"Yeah, you better pack up. This is our prey," he explained, and Jongin couldn't resist the urge to blink.

"Big words for someone who is being aimed at," he said, simply to stall for time as Luhan stepped into vision, quickly crumpling the tent together in its designated backpack, too impatient to wait for the mechanism folding it together.

"Oh, I'm no good with weapons," the guy said with actual rue written all over his face. Luhan exhaled in relief.

"Thank god."

Before he could add a sassy remark, a fourth voice spoke up.

" **I'm** good with weapons though."

Luhan turned around and muttered a small "Oh shit."

"Big gun?" Jongin asked out of the corner of his mouth. Luhan hummed.

"Super big gun."

"Shit."  
  


* * *

 

Their small ship wearing the loving name 'Tin can' had no room for luxuries, and that was fine. It only had one excuse for quarters which was a tiny room with four sleeping hollows nestled into the wall. Luhan and Jongin both preferred the ones closer to the ground, for practical reasons, though sometimes one of them would sleep in the cockpit, simply because it was nice to be by yourself once in awhile. Today, they both lay in their room, enjoying the rare absence of a quietly purring motor around them. It was pitch black, and yet Jongin didn't need light to know that Luhan was still awake. Jongin rustled to his back, staring into darkness and yet somewhat feeling that there was a wall not too far from his face.

"Do you ever think we should have quit?" he asked into the darkness. Another rustling followed.

"Why are you asking?" Luhan asked, almost warily. Jongin shrugged, even though no one but himself would notice.

"I don't know," he lied, thinking of the humiliating way the two other pirates had cornered them earlier and then shooed them off like some incompetent amateurs.

"Just... did you never think that we should just... stop?"

For a few moments, it was actually quiet and even Luhan didn't have a smart reply ready. Jongin listened to even breathing and the suspicious absence of any movement.

"I mean. Yeah. _Sometimes_ ," Luhan admitted, and Jongin's stomach dropped involuntarily. He had kind of expected this answer, so his own reaction disappointed him.

"But then I get up and look around our ship, with all the cool gadgets and stuff we collected over the years," Luhan began, sounding unusually serious and nostalgic. "And then I think of how we made it this far without a captain or a mechanic or a hacker-"

"We got exactly nowhere," Jongin threw in, only half-joking. Luhan huffed.

"Fair enough, we might not have gotten far yet, but we're still alive. We didn't have to sell our ship to start scrubbing decks for someone. We're still here, somewhat, so we have no reason to give up yet, right?"

He seemed to really get into his motivational speech and more rustling suggested that he had turned towards Jongin.

"And you know, when I see you shoot us a quick bird out of the sky without batting an eyelash, I feel like with such talent, we shouldn't fail. At least not forever," he added lamely, and Jongin hummed in grateful awkwardness.

"Thanks," he said, belatedly adding, "You're really good, too."

Before Luhan could mock the lame compliment, Jongin also said "You know I would have long given up if you weren't aboard."

That was the closest he could get to voicing a heartfelt compliment - Jongin was about as good with words as Luhan with weapons, but the other took what he could get.

"Fair enough," he said with a soft finality. "Then we can keep going for a little longer."

"The two from today were way smarter than us," Jongin said out of the blue. They had been chased away, but were still on the planet. The two rivals were probably robbing their prey right now.

"So what?" Luhan asked.

"They were like, a balanced team, you know?"

"So? We're a team, too. Specialized in offense, which should over qualify us for ass-kicking," Luhan easily replied. "We'll get back at them tomorrow and take that prey right under their noses."

Jongin was still convinced that these other two had some sort of deep bond and functionality they lacked, but hearing Luhan so optimistic in working on that was enough to comfort him.

"Okay. And then we'll go eat chicken."

"Sabu Sabu," Luhan argued, and Jongin yawned.

"We'll see."

 

* * *

 

They had scrapped the idea of sneaking on the ship and decided on an approach that suited them more - closer to the target, full offense, as Luhan had enthusiastically suggested. Jongin had managed to hold him back just a little, and so they were currently hanging out in a busy nightmare of a city that was about as coordinated as an anthill dug by ants on LSD. Still, Jongin kept a sharp eye on the gang members mingling with the locals below, no doubt trying to sell their goods, while Luhan was searching the area for their two rivals.

"You think they're camouflaged again?" he asked, suspiciously eyeing the booths and people around them as if one of them would pull off a wig and aim an over-sized bazooka at them - again.

"That seems to be their style, but I can't see them right now," Jongin said, casually walking along the edge of a crowded street, looking over a railing and at their prey walking through a different market district below. Two of the guys, the scale-y and the hooded one, carried suitcase-like things that Jongin was absolutely positive to hold some goods. They weren't visibly tied to their (temporary) owners, but Jongin knew the discreetly glowing stickers that were commonly made to look like tacky tourist goodies - he recognized a security system if he saw it. Maybe not as good as their former team members, but he'd spent enough hours with Chanyeol blabbering in his ear via headphone. Finally not _constantly_ muting him paid off.

"They got those silicon trackers on them. Could be better, could be worse."

"How do they work?" Luhan asked, when Jongin grabbed his arm not-too nicely.

"There, the bastard from yesterday," he said urgently and Luhan looked down in a completely obvious fashion that thankfully drowned in the busy surroundings.

"Which one?"

"Bazooka guy."

"Oh, the dark one?"

"That's our target you idiot," Jongin hissed, and nervously fingered the gun hidden below his cloak. "What are we gonna do? He's dressed up like a merchant this time, they'll just give them the suitcases-"

"And then what, they’re gonna pay him? I doubt it," Luhan muttered, looking around the area, "they gotta have a plan- oh you can't be serious."

"What?" Jongin asked, high strung as he watched the target and the fake merchant seek the barest of shelter in an aisle. Luckily, they weren't too high up and the roof didn't hinder Jongin's sight too much.

"They'll escape on a speeder, but not on my fucking shift," Luhan grumbled, and Jongin was about to strangle him just to relieve some tension - with their old crew, Jongin was one of the last people to make spontaneous decisions, but now someone had to decide on what to do now.

"Can you use the distractions to take the speeder out?" he asked, and Luhan immediately patted his pockets.

"Good idea. I'll use the grenades to cause a commotion, you grab the suitcase and we're out of here-"

"The trackers though-" Jongin began, but was cut off.

"Can you shoot them off?"

Jongin looked around. He would have no more than a couple seconds before the commotion of him drawing a gun would ruin it all.

"I think so?"

"With that confidence you can forget about becoming Mrs. Universe," Luhan said, pushing a few manipulated bullets into one of his two much more practical guns.

"Fuck you-"

"Later," Luhan curtly said, and Jongin was carefully pulling out his gun. As of now, they were obscured by the railing and their cloaks, but as soon as the first shot would be fired, they were out in the open. He basically felt Luhan's nervousness radiating off him.

"We'll aim and shoot in five, okay?"

"Wait til I shoot the stickers or they'll move too much," Jongin ordered. He glanced down at said stickers, three tiny blue dots that were pretty far away. He'd only manage to unlock one of the suitcases since he couldn't see the fourth one from where he stood, but there was no use telling Luhan right now. He'd be the one getting them, anyway.

"Five," the other said, and Jongin readied his gun, still holding it behind the railing.

"Four..." Luhan nervously said.

"With that confidence, you won't even become Mrs. Earth," Jongin said, earning a half-hearted jab into the ribs.

"Three. Two. One-"

Jongin ripped up the gun and only aimed for a second before firing the first and then second shot. He had no time to check whether he hit them perfectly, ducked below the railing and unceremoniously grabbed Luhan's hips to remind him of his shooting stance. Luhan fired and Jongin heard an explosion, followed by the usual commotion. He swung himself over the railing, skidding down the rough stone wall while holding onto whatever dimmed his speed. The air was filled with smoke and distractingly colorful confetti, so he put on his breathing mask. Everything passed by in a blur and Jongin jumped on a wooden booth's roof and down, speeding towards the pirates that were wrestling with the fake merchant for the suitcases. Jongin ruthlessly straddled into the commotion, using the momentary confusion that tended to happen when more than two opposing parties were involved, and snatched the unlocked suitcase. He met the gaze of the fake merchant for just a split second, which wasn't enough to convey anything. Then Jongin rammed someone with his gun and flew around to escape down the route they had planned. Someone shot after him, but it was a waste of time since Jongin had his shield activated. _No matter the energy consumption, always keep the shield on perfectly invisible,_ Junmyeon had said. Enemies will waste time figuring out it's on before they change tactics.

Jongin silently thanked him. Before he could take the first corner and vanish, something flashed by him, close enough to rip a part of his jacket off - a speeder indeed, with one pilot and the fake merchant standing on the back, blurs of blue betraying the second suitcase. It zoomed right into the direction Jongin wanted to take, so he decided for a change of plans and jumped over another railing, down another street.

"Where are you going?!" he heard Luhan yell into his headset. He himself was already on the run, ready to back Jongin up, but now they were on different paths. Jongin ripped down the mask and shoved the visor he’d been wearing on his head down, so he could project the map into his line of vision.

"I'll meet up with you near the end!" Jongin huffed, skidding down narrow streets with at least two chasers on his feet - he didn't turn around or try his gadgets to find out. There was no time for that.

"You got the suitcase?"

"I got one-"

"It better not be empty, man," Luhan huffed back, and Jongin faintly heard more explosions suggesting that Luhan was keeping not only the pirates but also the police busy.

They had planned their escape well though, taking advantage of the narrow, angular streets.

"I can't believe they managed to escape in that speeder," Luhan suddenly said. "It got all tangled and I fucking hit a wing of it. How on earth does it still fly?!"

As if to mock them, the speeder shot out of a different street just that moment, soaring above Jongin. With a breathy curse, Jongin kept running towards the street where he he was supposed to meet Luhan. Luckily, the guys on the speeder seemed busy enough for now, and Jongin's heart got immensely light when Luhan suddenly jumped into his vision, clapping his back. Jongin handed him the suitcase so he could shoot their way out if it came down to it.

"We'll never escape if they're that close," Luhan yelled, and Jongin desperately looked around for an alternative path, but this was already the most convenient one. Their ship was waiting just behind the next exit to the surface - he could already see the sun shining through it.

"Hey! Catch!"

Jongin followed the curt demand and found himself carrying one of Luhan's guns. They rounded a corner and Luhan dragged him up some stairs, hastily pointing at something.

"Shoot this, the green fabric over there-"

Jongin didn't ask why and just did it. Admittedly, his aim was a tiny bit off seeing as Luhan's gun was vastly different from his, but he hit the green sheet that was spanned out for some reason he wasn't questioning right now. Instead of a clean hole, the fabric started to catch fire, and rapidly so.

"Good, now they'll think we took that way, let's go!"

Jongin stumbled after him before he fell back into his rhythm. The sun rays were coming closer and he could already feel the impending heat.

"Why would they think we went that way?!" Jongin asked, and Luhan actually laughed.

"Because I might have set fire to one or two more of these-"

"You wanna smoke out the place?"

"Oh, psht, if a civilization is this easily smoked out- they shouldn't live beneath the surface," Luhan huffed as they took the stairs, scared locals making way for them.

"This was your moment to admire my amazing creativity, by the way - cause the melting point of cheap fabric is so low and I remembered?"

They heard that suspicious rattling again and Jongin turned out just a second to see the speeder shoot out of a small street again and _through_ the burning fabric.

"Holy shit," he heartily cursed as they finally stepped onto the surface, running towards their readily waiting Tin Can. The speeder soon shot over their heads and towards their ship, still crackling precariously.

"I can't believe these guys," Luhan began, but Jongin had a different issue.

"The silikon tags on their case are still active - they can track them and now we're back on the map, too!"

The speeder seemed to take his final breath at last and they watched it crash landing in a mercifully even spot, swirling up a huge cloud of dust. Jongin and Luhan skidded towards the ship, with Jongin typing in the code. Before he could step into it, Luhan grabbed his arm.

"Wait. What about them?"

Jongin looked at him like he had lost his mind. He could already hear their perpetrators in the distance. Or imagine it.

"What _about_ them?" he cried, tugging at his arm, but Luhan's eyes were sparkling.

"They got in our way a lot. I say we either take 'em out or take 'em in."

"Are you fucking serious," Jongin stated. Not asked, just stated.

Luhan started flailing his arms again, in the way he did when he got a bit too excited.

"They have a pilot who flew through Winoa-fucking-city on a broken speeder."

 

Luhan and Jongin shared a gaze that lasted all of two seconds. Then they ran towards the dusty cloud settling.

 

* * *

 

Luhan and Jongin were still light years away from being a good team. But it were the small victories that counted, Luhan said. Another human saying, but Jongin quite liked this one. Back in Winoa, they had managed to get things done without being in each other's way, which was a small victory. The ship had started without a hitch (and just in time) since Jongin had dutifully prepared it beforehand - another small victory. Kyungsoo would... probably not be proud, but at least he wouldn't _shout_ at them.

Then there were the big victories, like the rare jewels that turned out to be in _both_ suitcases and that certainly secured them chicken _and_ Sabu Sabu, and more than once at that.

And then there was Kim Jongdae, a.k.a Chen, the wicked pilot slash con-man and Kim Minseok, a.k.a Xiumin, weaponry expert and even bigger con-man, who currently occupied the remaining spots in their quarters, already planning on how to expand the Tin Can to fit them (and maybe more future members).

Big victory.

 

 

Oh, and with them having four members, there was finally the need for a captain and Luhan and Jongin had decided that they'd _both_ be captains. Absurd victory.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ...so is Luhan gonna make good of the promised sexual intercourse?  
>  will Xiuchen overthrow them and kidnap the Tin Can?  
> will Baekhyun start an intergalactic war via twitter?  
> all this and more, in the next episode of the Two Man Crew!  
> (I'm mostly joking, this is not a promise for a sequel. though this was a ton of fun indeed, so who knows...)
> 
> thanks for reading and much love to my anonymous beta!
> 
> p.s.: if you're interested in the original crew's members and functions, it looked a little like this:
> 
> Yifan - leader  
> Lay - 2nd in command/chef  
> Suho - focus on defense  
> Kyungsoo - mechanic  
> Chanyeol - hacker  
> Baekhyun - informant  
> Jongin - sniper  
> Luhan - explosives


End file.
